Everybody dreams of that relationship with a positive vibe. Its but normal that once we attain a certain age, we start crushing on someone and seeing ourselves together with that person. In the past, relationship was some commitment with so much respect from both partners and also both partners had same motives which was love which leads to marriage.

Today, relationships are the contrary not saying they are not still some good relationships out there but out of a hundred, I can mark out thirty with genuine intentions and good motives. Now what we turn to look for is physical appearance, financial strength, possibilities of what we can gain in that relationship and social media flaunting hush! Its common now to find relationships with so much violence is it beatings, insults, brutality, authoritativeness that leads to fighting and disputes among-st partners and just to make all this worst cheating has become something we must learn to live with.


Back in my university days, I went through one hell of a sweet better relationship oh! When it had to be sweet we had really great moments but when it was the time for bitterness I felt like I was in chains and had no helper to cut them off. I so very much loved this guy and I had my friends and family tell me to leave the relationship because of the mistreats they saw me go through but I just couldn’t because of what I felt for him, not leaving out the trait he usually gives me “you can’t date another in this town you are mine and that’s final” knowing what he could do made me really scared to break up.

This guy won’t want to know if I had a male relative or friend he just hated seeing me with another guy but as the saying goes “we can all take certain things but we all have expiry dates”. Time went on and I found a remedy once I get abused by him, I will run to the next guy who has been making approaches for comfort and it became my best remedy. A day came I sat and said to myself this has to stop because I realized if I had to continue with this I was forever going to remain a cheat so I came up with a plan which was to leave town.


Now, they are some people who go through abusive relationships and don’t even notice due to the rate at which they love their partners, due to fear of being criticized by the society, due to fear of starting all over or thinking they don’t deserve better. No matter who you are where you from, we all deserve better and a man who understands the value of what he’s got will treat you right if his love for you is genuine. These are a few tips which tell if you are in an abusive relationship or not remember an abusive relationship is not only about beatings every emotional torture in a relationship is abusive to me.

  • There’s no perfect relationship. Matters will arise but the way we handle them matters. If you both can’t talk about those little issues going on in your relationship without giving a restless night to the entire neighborhood then I really believe this relationship isn’t one to keep. A relationship should consist of two persons who are always ready to figure out hindrances to their relationship and find possible solutions to make it work but if this isn’t the case then I don’t see it as a worthy relationship.
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  • People say once in a while a man can raise his hands to hit you due to loss of self control its a big no from my end. You see, it starts with a slap from a slap to punches yes that is how it always goes; he hits you once what guarantees you the same force that pushed him won’t again? My case wasn’t exceptional it started with a mere slap and before I knew it I will get beaten even on the street. Look this is nothing to joke with it is time to leave if you are facing this in your relationship it will never stop its either you leave now that you are just bleeding than regret when your spirit watches your helpless body lie there with no options to pick from.

  • They use the same stuff and deeds you told them about your pass to get at you or hurt you during an argument. No this isn’t right one bit if you get to tell your partner whatever you have been through or what you are going through it is simply because you trusted them its never easy for one to really be open about their past or horrible experiences because you don’t know who to trust these days but once a person bold up to then its only right to help that person forget them and not torturing them with that. To me, I just know no matter what happens to a person we just deserve to be happy. This is not good for a relationship at all and if your partner does this they will never stop its either you leave or you keep getting the same torture each time you have an argument.
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  • This is different he insults you so terribly and says things that make you regret why you got into that in the first place. A relationship like this isn’t healthy at all you can’t be in a relationship with someone who will insult you because of a misunderstanding like who does that? At the end of it, he is like I am sorry I got provoked no way a man who can’t control his tongue is not the kind of man to keep it’s so awkward to me when girls actually believe this shit to me whatever insults or words he used on you is what is in his heart noting like provocation you either stay there knowing this or you leave all these to shatter.

  • Challenging a woman is something some men have resulted to what is going on? Where are we headed? You find a man talking to his woman and keeping his voice at hundred pitch to him he wants the entire world to know he is the man and has total authority over you. Oh no! It’s so sad too how a man will make you feel so horrible about the things he did for you. He wants you to bow for him because he got you your favorite bag, because he helped you out when you were in need I just don’t get what is going on but am not saying it’s not right to be appreciative its not just right for a man to challenge his own woman over things he’s done for her was he forced? Even if he was. This is childish, being unnecessarily proud, and in my opinion, if he does this he will certainly do this in the presence of friends one day watch it.

  • Ever felt like you are the man in the relationship? no this is just not right no matter how wealthy and influential a woman is she will always remain a woman. It’s not right to be the one handling the matters of the relationship I am not saying it is wrong to assist your partner but for your partner to just sit and feel comfortable about you taking care of things he should be taking care of is bullshit to me.we understand when a man can’t do certain things and needs help but sitting there and getting comfortable because his woman can handle situations at hand is so disrespectful and doesn’t even make sense. A relationship like this shows he is taking advantage of the entire situation just don’t agree to be his victim its either you stop being the man or you move away. I don’t think men who shoulder their responsibilities have double heads the earlier others man up the better.
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  • Cheating has become the order of the day but then I have always had it at the back of my mind that cheating isn’t something new but its rate now its something we can’t even debate on. Some men I say “live by cheating” because they have no choice of cheating on their partners they are just around anything and everything no dignity, no decently or self-respect while at it gush! This is so disgusting. I am not saying its right to cheat but I respect men who cheat with no traces yes the real heroes are out there. Others will keep late nights, drink with different set of girls like their lives depended on that and some will even dare talk about their partners to some total strangers who don’t even have a clue of what their partners look like. Started noticing preservatives in his pockets, unnecessary money transfers to unknown destinations, different body sprays and a lot more, then it’s time to know your relationship is no longer what it was.

It’s so funny how some men will have partners who love them and are willing to be there for them in every condition and yet the men do these horrible things to them. While other men are treating their partners like they had no sense of consciousness, some awesome men treat their partners as Queens, giving them praises and treating them awesomely like their lives mattered on their wive. Whenever I see men with those ugly characteristics mentioned above, I ask myself “who are raising these men”? if you are facing any of this please its time to make a choice to leave or bear with it but just know what you are into is an abusive relationship no longer a normal relationship.

I hope my tips made some sense. what other point do you think can be considered in a relationship as abusive?


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Hello everyone! I am Shuri Fuh Maouline, founder of shurilifestyle, a Cameroonian based in Douala, Littoral. I blog about routines, motherhood, lifestyle, travel, relationship, food, and drinks. I enjoy sharing my little experiences and ideas and I hope that through this medium I will be able to give helpful tips and answer some of your questions. Feel free to correct me, comment and ask your questions via the comments section or by email via